Friday, August 13, 2010

In and not of.

Last week, I was working as a barista at a local coffee-shop. I thought I saw someone from High School and I suddenly became fearful. It turned out not to be them. But what made me so fearful?

I graduated 5 years ago with no career aspirations at all. I still don't have them. I did not go to a four year college, university, or even a tech school. I went to a ministry training school, in which you do not obtain a degree, yet you do get a vast teaching in ministry and the bible. I cherish the training I received. I have no goals of getting a career. Everyday, I feel the heavy breath of the world breathing down my neck words of what I SHOULD do, the things society is expecting of a woman like me.

I have chosen to take a stand in my life not to follow the ways of the world. To follow my heart. I can feel the world looking down on women who have chosen to keep house, raise children, and simply love their husbands... without juggling a career too. But, what they don't see is that a healthy family is a healthy life. A house-wife is not a down grade, cop-out, or less in any means.

And I am fully convinced this is what I want most: a God-centered, healthy family. It is an aspiration outside of my control, I cannot go to school for it, I cannot apply for it. I have to simply trust God with my future, and he will direct my path. He will give me the desires of my heart.

So when I run into an old friend from high school, I shouldn't have to worry about the world's expectations of me. I don't have to feel like any sort of failure, because I don't meet society's design. Eleanor Roosevelt said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." And when I thought I met someone from my past, I felt inferior... because I consented to. But the truth is, I want to be a barista. I want to travel (and I do). And in the future I want to marry a GREAT man of God, make a house a home, have chubby babies, and raise them with the convictions of God (and love, hug, squeeze, kiss the crap out of them!)

Ahh... that felt good to get out :)

In a most happy mood,
Hannah

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